Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Barf boat

Santorini is breathtaking and everything I expected it to be!  Our group whittled from 9 to 4, it's a bit more relaxed.  And "soooo romantic" as we all keep joking in a cheesy voice.  

I've discovered that BF, like me, can't talk about romance without getting embarrassed and then covering it up with a joke.  Like when we watched the sunset, he recited a flowery love poem (that he'd memorized years ago for a class) which caused me to cry with laughter.  

The boat ride from Crete was another ridiculous moment.  For three hours, we listened to dozens of passengers retch with seasickness.  Luckily our group was fine, but vomit noises was not the ideal soundtrack.  

Things with BF are fine, given the rigors of spending ten days together.  I had one major moment of crankiness, and BF was sweet about it, when he had every right to be annoyed at my random moodiness.  I'm learning a lot about him, his habits, what he broadly wants out of life... It's a useful "fast track" way of figuring out if a relationship is long term.  (The answer to which may require another trip, just the two of us)




Friday, October 17, 2014

Opa!

Greece has been an adventure, and I don't just mean a 17km (10 mile) steep downhill hike into Europe's biggest gorge!  

Traveling with 8 others has its challenges, especially when they're all your boyfriend's friends.  Fortunately there's been no major drama and I am trying to remain patient with others' quirks and travel styles.  

We're staying in a gorgeous villa on Crete, driving around in a 9-passenger party van, drinking wine, and eating bread and feta. 



Wednesday, October 8, 2014

It's going to get crazy

This weekend will likely be one of the craziest I've had in a long time.  Lots of exciting things, which means lots of things to stress me out :)

Friday night:  Wedding of a former co-worker, a formal affair at a fancy mansion 2 hours outside of the city.  There's 6 of us friends attending, no plus ones invited.

Saturday afternoon/night:  Wedding #2, one of BF's friends, about an hour outside of San Francisco.  This is an Indian wedding and ought to be a party.

Sunday afternoon:  17 hours of flying to Greece with BF.... and 6 of his friends.  His friends are fun and welcoming, and I could hold my own with just about any group, but it's intimidating.

Until then, just trying to wrap things up and take care of all the typical feminine errands like nails, waxing, and hair color.

Zoom zoom.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Summer's brief appearance

Summer has finally arrived to San Francisco!  At least this past week, where temperatures were in the 80s and the evenings stayed warm.... that seriously almost never happens in the city limits.  I felt like I was back in Chicago, wearing sun dresses without a sweater past 5pm.

Between the hot weather, an outdoor free bluegrass festival in Golden Gate Park, and the Giants winning in an 18-inning game, the city's vibe was good this weekend.  BF and I had some lovely time together.

On Saturday night, we cooked dinner, watched the last 2 hours of the 6-hour baseball game, followed by a movie.  On Sunday, we went to the bluegrass festival, drinking wine and laying in a picnic blanket.

Did anyone watch the Homeland premiere?  I watched with girlfriends - I love having one or two shows that I watch in a group - and we were full of conspiracy theories!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

More on labels

Does exclusive = boyfriend/girlfriend?  Opinions differ.  My just told me she and her guy are now boyfriend/girlfriend.  They had the exclusivity talk and that she plans to call him her boyfriend, but they didn't actually discuss labels.  My coworker Aaron went asked a girl to be exclusive, and the girl took that to mean bf/gf (which was ok with Aaron).

I actually strongly disagree that exclusive = official + labels.  Only for myself, of course.  To me, exclusive means that I'm focusing my time and energy on one guy, and that I'm willing to go farther physically.  But the boyfriend/girlfriend label in my mind is a bigger step, it's more of a commitment.  Labels are important to me, but I don't apply them whimsically to the guy I've been dating 2 weeks.

With BF, I brought up exclusivity because things were progressing physically, and I didn't feel comfortable going further if he was doing it with other girls.  He brought up being "official" a month later.

When I explained this to my friend, she blankly said "I still don't see the difference."  Readers, what do you differentiate between exclusive and bf/gf?  Am I nuts here?

Friday, September 19, 2014

Unloading

Therapy is a double-edged sword.  It brings to light puts a name on the issues I’ve harbored all my life.  The therapist and I have boiled it down to this:  fear of abandonment and insecurity have lead me to form an anxious style of attachment.  BOOM.

On the bright side, noticing and naming it means I am actively working on not letting it crippling me. 

I've realized that 99% of my insecurities and issues with my current relationship are all about me.  For example…. this week has been horrible for me with major work upheaval, hormones, and being sick.  In addition, I'm sad that BF and I continue to be out of town alternating weekends.  

I hadn't chatted much with BF this week, which is fairly typical.  He messaged once vent about work and his latest doctors’ diagnosis, and we confirmed plans to hang out later in the week.  The rest of the week, I sat there stewing in resentment, pissed that I was having a horrible week and couldn't talk to my boyfriend about it. 

Oh wait, I couldn't?  He’s not a mind reader, he couldn't have known I was sick and stressed if I didn't tell him.  Meanwhile I’ve been walking on eggshells because he too has been stressed and sick.  But my caution is in my head, as BF has always been open when I want to vent.

If I picked up the phone and called him, he’d listen sympathetically.  If he couldn’t answer the phone, at worse he’d text me later that night or the next day, as history has indicated.  So what is making me so terrified of reaching out to my boyfriend when I want or need to talk to him?  Me.  I’m making myself terrified.  I’m playing up my insecurities and desire to be the “perfect” girlfriend who doesn’t get all femininely emotional and definitely never poops.


It's true for any relationship that if you can’t be yourself, he's the wrong guy for you.  But at the moment, I need to work on being me again.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Dress up, dress down

Does your mood influence your outfit?   As a girly girl, I love wearing dresses, makeup, and jewelry.  But as a highly anxious girl, I sometimes wonder what the point is as I throw on skinny jeans, a generic billowy top, and a bit of eyeliner to show that I tried. 

Being in the tech world, my workplace’s dress code is relaxed.  However, my female-dominated office has plenty of fashionistas who dress to the nines daily.  So I can get away with a variety of clothes without anyone caring, and this definitely comes in handy for hangovers and rushed mornings.

I know that I should be dressing up for myself.  That I shouldn’t ‘save’ dress up days for when I’m seeing the boy.  That I shouldn’t lament about the purpose of dressing up when no one will see me all day besides coworkers.  That no matter what stresses exist in my life, I owe it to myself to look good.  That the woman who loves herself first is the happiest. 

I certainly feel more confident and beautiful when I am dressed nicely.  But my anxious brain often seeps in, poisoning my mind by suggesting that there’s no point, that I shouldn’t waste my nice dresses and make-up on the days when I go home straight after work and change into PJs by 6:30pm.

As a teenager, I couldn’t wait to have a fancy job downtown, dress fashionably, and meet friends for drinks at trendy bars after work.  And for the last few years, that was my life!  But lately, anxiety has turned me into a hoodie-and-leggings recluse.  I’m working on it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Making power moves

I love this article because I admit at some point or another, I’ve done all of these in the name of “GROW THE FUCK UP, MEN.” 


#1 Deeactivate ‘free’ dating apps, sites.  I’ll disagree with this, I think OkCupid has more critical mass than the paid sites. But Tinder is a joke.

#2 Run at the first “if you want.”  I’ve mentioned that I hate when guys do the “We could meet up if you want” or “let me know if you’d like to go out again.”  Man up, ask me out.

#3 Avoid the couch at all costs.  Well, this is a no-brainer for not getting assaulted.  But more importantly, a little effort and indication he wants to be seen in public with you is rather important.

#4 Don’t settle for anything less than a real date.  The guys who want to meet up while we’re both out, thereby he doesn’t have to inconvenience himself and use his friends as a crutch?  No thanks.

#5 Call him out on his bullshit.  I’ve done it, the guys who want to meet but can never schedule a real date.  Not worth it.


#6 Be up front about what you’re looking for.  I don’t think you need to say on the first date that you want a boyfriend and maybe future husband, but your actions indicate what you’re willing to put up with, i.e. not #2-4.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Insta-problems

#girlproblems #socialmediawoes  When you stalk your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend on Instagram, accidentally 'like' a picture, and no amount of tapping will undo your 'like.'  The only solution is to delete your Instagram account and deny, deny, deny.

For the record, this happened to a girlfriend.  All of my unhealthy relationship behavior is limited strictly to the wanderings of my mind.


Sunday, September 7, 2014

The nerve of some people

I'm truly amazed at the nerve of some men.  Last year in late October, I'd been chatting with a guy on OkCupid, who asked me out but then blew me off twice.  Read this post for background, where I debate whether I should send him a snarky text.  (Is a snarky text worth it?)

He's saved in my phone as Flaky Ass [Name].  I'd randomly received generic texts on holidays which I'd ignored.  Then last night, after many months of radio silence, he sent a 2:30am text refreshing my memory as to who he was: "We'd chatted awhile back on OkC but never met up, and I think we should :)"

Um, no fucking way.  Hoping to shut him up forever, I said "I have a boyfriend, sorry."  Not that I needed to be apologizing.

He wrote back something silly, clearly trying to joke, about how me having a man didn't matter to him.  20 minutes later, when I hadn't written, he said "Besides I have a gf."

Ballsy little jackass!  Not only have we never met in person, but he claims to have a girlfriend and is sending me texts at booty-call hour?!