Friday, April 18, 2014

Dating across the ocean

Now and then, I hear about the differences between American and European dating culture.  The agreement seems to be that across the pond, people tend not to date more than one person at a time and once you go on a date or two, you're essentially a couple.  

In the US, of course, people date more casually, date multiple people at once, and there is sometimes a declaration of being exclusive and ultimately, putting a label on things.

When I dated the horrid Irish guy, he got upset that we weren't boyfriend-girlfriend within two weeks and that I was still active online.  Last night, I met Jacqueline's sister visiting from England, who confirmed more nicely what Irish guy said.

There's no wrong or right way in modern dating.  I'd love to hear people's experiences overseas!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

12th inning stretch

Yesterday, BF had very last minute tickets to the baseball game and invited me.  Baseball is not my sport of choice, but I do love ballparks and the whole ritual.  I have fond memories of warm summer baseball nights at Wrigley Field.

His aunt/uncle are season ticket holders and I knew they'd be there.  As it turns out, even more of his relatives were are the game - a family affair.  Meanwhile, this dude hasn't even met Mandy, Stephanie, Jacqueline or most of my other dear SF friends.

Remember when I said I didn't mind baseball?  Well, I did mind it after the Giants tied at the 9th inning and the fog was rolling in.  I agreed to tough out the cold and late night (it was past 11pm) for one more inning.  And it's a good thing we left, because the game continued to the 12th, when the Giants finally beat the Dodgers.

The purpose of this story is not baseball, of course.  It was more of me realizing I met a lot of his family and trying not to extract any meaning whatsoever from it.  When we said goodnight, BF sheepishly said, "So.... you met all my family."  It was adorable.

I'm not sure if our plans for tonight are still on, but I'm not worried.  I've got 2 more episodes of Game of Thrones, a recipe for coconut curry shrimp, and an early bedtime waiting for me.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Growing pains and fatalism

Despite my daily life optimism, I can think rather fatalistically in my romantic life, interpreting every misstep as the death of the relationship.  I keep trying to channel Confident Sabrina.

#1:  When we parted ways having spent all of Saturday together hiking and then watching a movie at my place, he didn't ask when we should hang out next.  
What Confident Sabrina should think:  We'd hung out three times that week already.  He knew I had Sunday plans, and Monday he offered to come play on my dodgeball team if I needed an extra player.  He's laid back and thinks we'll figure it out.  And if I suggest meeting up this week, he's not going to think I'm stifling him.  He's going to be pleased, because he likes me.

#2:  I spent Sunday at a wine festival, and sent him a picture of "Stark Wines" with a Game of Thrones reference.  He responded in a few minutes, making a "red wedding" joke.  A few hours later, I wrote back and mentioning that 'Alisha', my drunk-alterego (whom he knows about), had come out after all that wine.  He didn't respond until the next day, to ask how Alisha was feeling.
Confident Sabrina says:  he responded to your first text quickly and with a joke. The comment alluding to you being drunk did not warrant an immediate response.  He was busy doing his taxes and probably just didn't want to engage with a drunk girl.  He followed up eventually.

Relationships are not without their growing pains, and since I have such little experience with them at age 31, it's going to be a bumpy ride.  But I'm nervous/excited to see what transpires!

Sunday, April 13, 2014

So, this happened

CF --> BF

It happened over a week ago.  I was out on a Friday night with girlfriends, and he eventually met up with us.  We had one more drink before parting ways with my friend Ariel, who he'd met once before.  The long walk home and Walgreens stop for coconut water sobered us both up.

We were laying in bed, cuddling and talking.  I decided to finally confide that I started taking the birth control pill.  He took it in, and I could tell he didn't quite know what to say, but mentioned that he'd gotten tested recently.  I told him I was "just letting him know" and not pressuring the situation.

The conversation after flowed naturally, and then he randomly asked "So when you talk about me to your friends, what do you say?"  I threw out mostly nice adjectives, peppered in with "douchebag" and "sociopath."  I asked him the same question and he said he wasn't good at talking about that sort of thing, but that he told his friends he really liked me and they'd just have to meet me.  Understandable.

So then he asked "Do you want to be more than just what we are now?  Do you like labels?"  I responded affirmatively.  He made a joke about how we're "really good friends" but then suggested "boyfriend/girlfriend."  I told him I liked that a bit better than "bum chums."

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" finally came the question.  Since he was off to visit family the next day, he mentioned that he wanted me to meet his family sometime, half suggesting this weekend but knowing that a family celebration wasn't quite the venue for it (besides, I had weekend plans).

Then, not being overly cheesy, we dropped the subject in favor of cuddling, kissing, and making fun of each other.

In the ten days since this has transpired, it hasn't changed our situation that much.  So while I am really excited and I do really like him, I'm being the usual cautious, pain-avoiding Sabrina.  Inside, I'm jumping for joy.  Outside, I'm "whatever, I'm getting curly fries."  :)

Friday, April 11, 2014


Another jarring reminder that I am an adult, a single one at that, and therefore have to handle things on my own.  Case in point:

This morning in my kitchen, I stepped on something.  To my horror, I realized I'd just squashed a baby mouse.


Since I couldn't exactly call my dad/roommate/husband/whatever, I had to take care of the clean up myself.  Wearing rubber gloves, using a plastic bag, and blasting BBC world news to remind me that others have it worse.

It had already been a rough morning, I hadn't slept well thanks to watching the penultimate episode of season 3 of Game of Thrones where BAD THINGS happen.  The mouse was just furry icing on a bloody cake.

I'll be scrubbing myself in the shower for the next 10 hours.

Monday, April 7, 2014


I suppose after nearly 4 months of dating, it was bound to happen:  CF flaking on me.  Well, semi-flaking.  Calm down, Sabrina.

We'd hung out last Thursday and had made plans to get together tonight (Monday) since he was out of town over the weekend.  However, on Thursday he decided he wouldn't leave for his weekend trip until Saturday, so asked if I wanted to meet up on Friday night too.  Since I had plans with friends, he eventually just met us out.

We said our goodbyes after a fun night that lasted until Saturday morning.  I didn't hear from him all weekend, in the usual cadence of our communication, but I also knew he was in the middle of family events and wasn't concerned.

Monday morning, he texted me to ask if I'd be interested in watching the Game of Thrones premiere that night with his friends.  He knew I was still catching up on season 3 (please, NO SPOILERS).  I told him I'd love to come, but unfortunately I still had 6 episodes left to catch up on.

He said "So you'll be caught up by next week then.  How was your weekend?"

A tiny part of me feels like he's blowing me off tonight.  The even tinier irrational part of me wants him to skip his plans with his friends for me.  But the larger rational side recognizes how much people love Game of Thrones, and I shouldn't expect him to blow off a fun viewing party with friends (that he invited me to).

Deep breaths.  It's not the beginning of the end.  This is the anxiety in my head trying to gobble up rational thought!

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Hilarious take on how men vs. women think

A very hilarious dissection of how men think vs. women.  Or as the dude who posted this on Facebook today said, "Nailed it."

Key takeaway:  we ladies are emotional and tend to over-analyze, men are more straightforward and essentially mean what they say.  I still encourage you to read to the end as it cracked me up!

Friday, April 4, 2014

If only there were pop-up blockers for thoughts

For a year after Disappearing Man vanished, I'd keep my ears open any time I heard a friend or acquaintance talk about a guy she met on OkCupid, just in case it was him.  Once, I saw a girl at the gym wearing a man's sweatshirt from his alma mater and immediately made the leap "is that his new girlfriend?"

Really healthy and positive thinking, right?  I was so obsessed with remaining ignorant about him.  I'd completely blocked him from FB and never once typed his name in to search.  I avoided bars he liked in case I saw him.  I just didn't want to know anything about him anymore.

Eventually, I got over it.  So much to my crazy dismay, the other night at happy hour, I overheard a someone mention a Tinder guy who happened to attend Disappearing Man's alma mater.  As casually as I could, I asked her how old this Tinder man was.  His age invalidated my theory that it could be Disappearing Man.

But I caught myself - so what if he was going on dates with people I knew?  Should I warn the girls off?  Inform them that thanks to this asshole, I have trust issues with men?  Obviously, the answer to these is no.

It pisses me off that he scarred me, and that he still pops up in my mind.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Perhaps not all men are players...

Whenever my girlfriends and I bitch about dating, I admittedly find comfort in knowing that a lot of really nice, intelligent, funny, good-looking men are going through the same thing.  Case in point, this early morning message from my co-worker/friend Aaron*, "BTW dating is stupid.  I'm just going to be a cat lady."

After snorting up my coffee, I listened to his recap of 3 weekend dates.  In his late 20s, Aaron's just entered the dating pool after a 6-year hiatus (i.e. serious relationship in which he wanted marriage and she didn't).  
-Date #1, the girl was not as attractive in person which I can personally confirm, as I accidentally ran into them on their date.  
-Date #2, a girl whom he'd met at a party, turned to have an intelligence level of a doorknob.  
-Date #3 may have had potential, but she was a tad bit awkward.

Lest he get burnt out (because Aaron is a catch), I encouraged him to either throw himself into the deep end of the dating pool, stay dry on the side.  But whichever he decides, just own it.  You don't have to date just because you're single.  It's not a bleeding cut that needs a bandage.  

Monday, March 31, 2014

Wine and whine

On Friday, CF finally responded and asked about weekend plans.  Putting my annoyance aside, I realized that CF and I have fallen into an almost-routine, and he is not a crazy extroverted social butterfly who likes to jam pack his weekends like I do.

When I suggested we meet Sunday, he asked if I also had a window of free time on Saturday too, joking that he could handle two Sabrina sightings in a row.  I took that as a positive sign :)

I woke up feeling sick on Saturday but the martyr in me decided to continue on with plans with CF.  Since it was pouring rain, we just agreed to watch a movie at my place.  But when he saw I was sick, he kindly offered to run out for food and coconut water, and asked what he could do to make me feel better.  After briefly watching Netflix, I had to politely dismiss him so I could sleep.  He asked if he could stay for a few more minutes and cuddle, but then promised to leave so I’d be healthy for Sunday.

On Sunday, we drove to my favorite Sonoma winery followed by dinner at a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try since before I moved to the West coast.  It was a boozier day than I ought to have had, given my health, but it was hard to say no to wine.

After a bit of post-wine snuggling at my place, we called it a night as I had an early flight to LA in the morning. We made plans to hang out later in the week, before he leaves for a weekend trip to visit family.

I had full intentions to bring up a light version of “defining the relationship” yesterday, but I realized that I’m ok with where it stands for now.  I’d rather it develop organically, even if it’s slow.  I need to let go of my crazy fear of the unknown.  I must remind myself that I can’t control what a man feels or does.

I am concerned that we’ve been alternatively getting each other sick, and it could be the kiss of death (not literally) for us….