Why is it that a girl who values her time is seen as boring or not dateable? A seemingly promising guy asked me, at 4:56pm, if I wanted to do happy hour tonight. When I politely declined (internally I was seething at his presumptuousness), he said "Wow, I guess you're not into being spontaneous, huh?"
Listen up, boys. There's a difference between friendship spontaneity and boy spontaneity.
Friends: I love when a girlfriend hits me up for last-minute drinks! More often than not, I'm game - it's the beauty of being young and single. But if I decline, I know she's not going to take it personally.
Boys: On a first date, spontaneity is unacceptable. It is the equivalent of being a guy's second choice, an after-thought on his list of daily activities. If I accept the date, he's ultimately going to take my time for granted. But if I decline, he'll think I'm boring, which I am most decidedly not.
It's a double-edged sword. For the most part, I do like to plan my social calendar in advance; it keeps my ubiquitous loneliness in check. But I'm certainly flexible and spontaneous with my girlfriends.
This is the 5th guy in January that has asked me for a last-minute date and the 5th I've declined. Am I destined to be alone forever?
4 comments:
I completely agree with you but I am single and 30 so not sure if I am destined to be alone as well.
Nope but they are!!! That's super annoying. They couldn't even take the time to thoughtfully plan a first date? No thanks.
There is nothing I hate more than being made to feel unreasonable/uptight/non-spontaneous/un-fun because I won't agree to some ridiculous idea some random guy has dumped in my lap. I've had the same thing happen to me with the spontaneous accusation...like you said, first dates generally should merit at least a little planning. I've also had it thrown at me that I'm uptight if I don't want to talk about what positions I like and how many people I've slept with. I prefer to call that discretion. Taste. Not uptight!
What is wrong with these guys?!?
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